Note: This script contains both paraphrased and direct quotations from real life about primarily trans-centered discussions (though it holds truth for many of infinite backgrounds). If a point is paraphrased, it has absolutely been stated on several (i.e. three or many more) occasions. Just because this script is not an exact replica of one or more dialogues between me and others does not mean it is embellished.

It’s about free speech. I simply want an open debate. No censorship.

So someone intentionally using the wrong pronouns to a server to insult them wouldn’t warrant the manager to kick the person out for harassing his employees?

Yeah, see, it’s tricky.

What about a racial slur? Or saying a cisfemale server “looks like a man?”

I think the server should swap out with someone else to avoid the harassment, but I think the guy should still be able to eat there.

What about the server? They have to forgo the tips they might’ve made with a non-discriminatory party at the table instead? The onus is on them to remove themselves from the situation rather than the person harassing them at their own workplace?

I just don’t think you should have to legally call someone by their preferred pronouns. It’s all about free speech.

How is it different from legally protecting people from racial or sexist or xenophobic slurs?

It’s just such a new concept.

Trans people have been around for a long time.

True, but I just don’t think the science is in yet. I think there needs to be more evidence.

Evidence to what? Validate being trans as a “real thing” rather than some kind of delusion? Validate the notion that using someone’s preferred pronouns does in fact lead to lower rates of self-harm and suicide and not higher rates? Validate the argument that acceptance of trans people leads to lower rates of violence against trans people? Validate the idea that trans people are far more likely to be targets of sexual violence rather than the perpetrators of it, and that they’re actually less prone to sexual violence than the generalized population? There is evidence for that. It does exist.

Yeah but you can’t really trust those organizations. They always have a political agenda.

What about the sources you point to that perpetuate myths based on even less evidence or, more frequently, zero evidence? Don’t those people have a political agenda too? Why trust them?

Oh, no, the point is to be skeptical of everyone.

Then why not show the same skepticism for climate science? Or evolution?

Yeah, but like I said, those are not new ideas.

But neither is being trans. It simply has more exposure than before.

Yes, but I—listen, those activists of yours aren’t doing you any favors. A lot of those people, especially non-binary people, seem like a bunch of narcissists.

You once told me I was coming across as narcissistic when I was transitioning.

And I changed my mind about that. See? I’m open to other opinions. But those activists, they don’t seem to want any kind of debate on the issue.

They’re angry because they have to constantly fight against the myths you perpetuate that directly lead to fewer rights, more violence, and more fatalities under the guise of “helping them” through “an honest debate” which is not honest and should not be debated.

Everything should be debated. Debate is necessary, even about trans rights.

Then why stop there? Let’s debate your right to healthcare. Let’s debate your right to housing. Let’s debate your right to a job without discrimination. Let’s debate your right to have kids. Let’s debate your right to be a leader. Let’s debate your right to live. Let’s debate your right to not be raped. Let’s debate your right to not be seen as inherently predatory on a national/international scope. Let’s debate your right to exist. Let’s debate your right to be free from violence in general. Let’s debate your right to be seen as a mentally stable individual because of your identity, or how you dress, or over your sexual preferences. Let’s debate your right to have a political voice. Let’s debate your right to have agency over your own life. It’s just a debate. I’m just asking questions. What’s the big deal?

Look, you’re making some good points and given me a lot to think about. And you know me—I think trans people should have rights, I do. I just think we need to think about the potential harm all of this brings to children.

Do you think children are getting gender-affirming surgeries? They’re not. The standard recommendation is puberty-blockers, which give those children the time they need to explore their gender identity and expression further, until they reach the age where they can consent and decide what’s best for themselves.

Okay, but I just think about the ones who hear about the concept of trans people in the classroom and go home and decide they’re trans.

That’s like saying acknowledging the existence of gay people will suddenly make the kids think they’re gay, as though sexual orientation or gender identity is a choice, an ideology. It’s not, and neither is being trans. The vast majority of people who think they’re trans and choose to explore transitioning do not regret their decision, including children. Most studies point to a success rate of over 90-something percent, some as high as 98-point-something percent.

Well, like I said, I haven’t read those studies.

Then read them.

You’re right, that’s something I have to do, and I’ll get around to it.

When?

I don’t want to put a date on it because I’m just so bad at reading other people’s recommendations in a timely manner.

Why should the marginalized population have to wait around for people like you to maybe someday read the scientific literature that you yourself are already skeptical of? What about all the harm that comes of that patience in the meantime?

Look, I’m not going to apologize or admit I’m wrong when I don’t think I am.

Then read the scientific literature to see if you’re wrong or not.

I will.

When?

I—Look, I’m doing my best.

I don’t think you are, because I know you’re smarter than this.

Listen, I don’t want our conversations to be all about this. I’d rather talk about how our day went.

We did talk about that, and I asked your opinion on something that led to all of this.

Okay. I just…jeez. I really don’t think you’re interpreting me correctly.

I think I understand what you’re saying perfectly well. And if you want to take credit for the positive influences you have on the world, you have to take responsibility for the harm you cause as well. If you hurt someone in a car accident because you weren’t looking for a stop sign, you’re held accountable whether you think you should apologize or not. Just because you’re intentions are pure doesn’t mean you’re a positive influence on this issue. You’re an active voter. You have a responsibility to educate yourself as such.

I will. You just have to be patient.

…

See? This is fun. We’re having a dialogue. We’re sharing different perspectives. This is good. This is healthy. This is what democracy looks like.

…

(Later…) Hey I’m sorry I got upset and used rhetoric that hurt you or made you feel attacked.

Don’t worry, I’ve forgotten all about it.

Trust yourself when subtext becomes so loud it’s white noise.